Boomerangs & Budweiser
by EvanescentBeauty
Summary: Aah, it's Christmastime again at Princeton Plainsboro, and presents are given! Who will get what?


**Story**: Boomerangs & Budweiser  
**Chapter Name: **Christmas Eve  
**Type:** True, old-fashioned PARODY.  
**Setting**: House's office.  
**Description:** The whole House gang wind up spending Christmas Eve together and decide to exchange Christmas gifts...and some presents are better than others (to say the least)  
**Characters**: House, Cameron, Chase, Foreman, Cuddy, Wilson  
**Author's Note: **This is my Christmas gift to all of you! I hope you enjoy my first parody and my fourth House Fanfiction! So, BON APPETIT. Also, if I offend anyone, I am truly sorry. Please keep in mind that I am a Christian, and the Satan reference is just for laughs...lol. Also, I love all of these characters, and the flaming I do on the characters are ALSO for laughs and laughs only.

* * *

**House**:(_asleep on the couch)_

**Cameron**: _(looks over at House then looks back at Chase & Foreman with a mischevious smile) _Im thinking whipped cream in his hand and we tickle his nose!

**Chase**: NICE!

**Foreman**: No.

**Cameron & Chase:** Why noooot????

**Foreman**: You guys are 'tards, man.

**Cameron**: Oh, come on...you know you'll do it.

**Foreman**: Will not.

**Chase**: _(sighs) _okay fine...but you'd do it for treats right?

**Foreman**: _WOOF, _yo momma's boy.

**Cameron**: _(laughs hysterically till Chase smacks her)_

**House**: _(wakes up) _YO!

**Foreman**: SUP!

**Cameron**: Liek, oh my god!

**Cuddy**_: (walks in)_ HOUSE GET IN HERE AND BE GOD.

**Foreman**: _(laughs) _Hey, that's funny. He was Bugs Bunny yesterday!

**Cameron**: Shaddap! He was Mickey Mouse!

**Foreman**: oh yeah!

**Chase**: Naw, it was Minnie. You think that bow was just for looks?

**Foreman & Cameron**: Oooohhhhh...

**House**: Why do I need to be God?

**Cuddy**: Cuz ur always frikkin right...also I need a hormone infusion and Satan needs a haircut

**House**: Does that involve touching ur butt?

**Cuddy**: which part

**House**: the satan part

**Cuddy**: Probably

**House**: I'm in.

**Cameron: **Hey! Come on! It's Christmas! A time to be together and to give gifts to Cameron!

**Chase**: Yeah and the Wombat!

**Foreman**: Sha, like _what _would we get you?

**Chase**: I'd like a green card.

**House**: But if we stay here, I don't get to touch Cuddy's butt.

**Cameron: **Go cry me a river twinkle-toes.

**Cuddy**: For some odd reason, giving gifts sounds a lot more appealing than having an old crippled guy touch my butt.

**Foreman**: KEWL!

**Cameron**: Okay, for House...I got you_...(withdraws a HUGE jar of Vicodin) _VICODIN!!!!

**House**: Really? Aww you shouldn't have!! _(dumps the entire jar in his mouth)_

_(Wilson appears out of no where)_

**The Entire Group: **WILSON!!!!

**Wilson**: Hey guys

**Cameron: **I thought you were spending Christmas at home?

**Wilson**: I was...but then my 16th wife had to go and divorce me. She also took all my beer and my crystal duck collection and ruined my puzzle. Oh yeah, House...I'll be couch surfin at ur place for about six months, is that a problem?

_(House is passed out from so much Vicodin...pills are dripping from his mouth)_

_(Wilson smiles...looking extremely happy)_

**Wilson**: I'll take that as a maybe! _(drops his suitcase)_

**Chase**: We were just exchanging gifts!

**Foreman**: I still haven't gotten any yet.

**Chase**: SHUT UP YO MOMMAS BOY!

**Cameron: **I want one!

**Foreman: **A momma's boy?

**Cameron: **Cough up the goodies white boy

**Foreman: **Do you even know the definition of "white boy"?

**Cameron: **It's like a goalie, right?

**Foreman: **_(thinks) _Yah...right...whatever Cam

**Cuddy: **For House_...(pulls out a huge stack of files) _I need you to choose my sperm donor for me, since I am so incapable of doing anything but flipping my curly hair and buying low cut tops.

**House: **(_continues to snore) _

**Cuddy: **That's my boy!

(_drops the huge very heavy file stack on House's stomach with a loud THUMP and he grunts, a couple of pills spilling out of his mouth)_

**Chase: **Here, Cameron...here's a present for you...(_hands over a huge brown teddy bear with a large red bow around it's neck)_

**Cameron: **OMG!!!! Chase this is the best present I've ever gotten! (_gasps) _Does this mean you're in love with me? You must be! OTHERWISE YOU WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN ME THE BEST PRESENT EVER!! OMG!! Chase, I LOVE YOOOOUUUU!!!

**Chase: **Umm...

**Cameron: **Oh, I get it...(_winks) _keeping the lurve on the "down low" are we?

**Chase: **Umm...

**Cameron: **Say no more...say no more...I get it. You love me...that's okay. I know I'm beautiful.

**Wilson: **And for House, I got him a huge jar of Vicodin!

**House: **_(wakes up) _Vicodin?? WHERE?!?!?!?! (_sees Vicodin) _OMGAAA!!! (_dumps the entire jar in his mouth and passes out again)_

**Foreman: **And for Chase I got you a boomerang!

**Chase: **Are you freaking kidding me? I HAVE LIKE 100 O' THESE THANGS AT HOME!! YOU THINK I HAVEN'T BOOMERANGED MY BUTT TO CHINA AND BACK ALREADY! DANG YOU ASIANS ARE SLOW!

**Foreman: **I'm not Asian.

**Chase: **That's what the Asians said. Right before they BECAME **_ASIAAAAAANNNN!!!!!!!_**

**Cameron: **For Cuddy, I got you nothing.

**Cuddy: **Huh? Why not?

**Cameron: **Well, I was going to get you a REAALLLYY low cut top, but any lower and it would have been a jacket, and that's just lame, so I figured you could do without.

**Cuddy: **Aren't you sweet!

**Foreman: **No one has gotten me anything yet.

**Chase: **Maybe that's cuz you buy people boomerangs while you're busy chowing down on the sushi in your homeland of CHINA!

**Foreman: **Number one, I'm NOT ASIAN. TWO, I hate sushi, THREE, my homeland is not China, and FOUR, sushi is from Japan, NOT China.

**Chase: **You know, you're talking, but all I hear is "Hola, chicas! Mi nombre es ASIAN!!!!!

**Wilson: **That's Spanish.

**Chase: **SHUT UP YO MOMMAS GIRL!

**Cameron: **What about me? I HAVEN'T GOTTEN ANYTHING!

**Cuddy: **You got a teddy bear.

**Cameron: **Naw, I hugged it too hard. It killed itself.

**House: (**_wakes up) _Did anyone happen to buy me more Vicodin? My leg is feeling all tingly...it must mean I'm going to die from the pain.

**Cuddy, Chase & Foreman: **I did.

**House: **COOKIES!!! (_dumps all three jars in his mouth, then passes out)_

**Cameron: **Who wants fruitcake?! It's Christmasy!

**Wilson: **_MMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

**Chase: **That's boring. WHO WANTS BACON, HEAVY CREAM, TEN BOTTLES OF BUDWEISER AND HEROINE?

**The Whole Group: **_MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

**Foreman: **But those things are Christmasy!

**Chase: **We'll put tinsel on 'em

_**...and a Happy New Year!**_


End file.
